Transformation

Layla has been growing tremendously over the past few weeks and it is amazing to see her transformation. We have battled through stomach and reflux issues and have finally gotten her a lot more content in that respect. It was so stressful, frustrating, and sad to see her in pain and not know what the reason was. Thankfully it was a matter of changing formula and getting her on Zantac that did the trick. Those that believe their infants should not be medicated should try dealing with a very upset baby at all hours of the day and night who cries while eating....that might change their mind.

Our biggest challenge these days are getting her to really fall asleep on her own. She fights us for every nap during the day and for when putting her down for the night. She is getting a little better with this every day and now only fusses for 10-15 minutes before finally giving up and going to sleep. Naps are in the swing and I am resigned to the fact that she may only nap there for some time. The nights are somewhat easier in that she wakes up to eat at the 4-6 hour mark but easily goes right back to sleep. Now if only it were that easy for me to go right back to sleep after feeding her! Somehow I think she has inherited her sleep patterns from me.

As we are at about the 2 month mark with Layla, I am starting to think about work and daycare and how hard it will be for me to go back to work and miss out on all the changes that she will inevitably go through. I worry that I will only have a short amount of time with her when I get home from work each day and how that will impact her. Luckily Mike will be able to spend a lot of time with her which I know he misses out on right now. As much as I am not ready to go back to work, I am also itching to at least be involved in what is going on at work. I don't necessarily like not knowing what is going on and allowing things that I have built on for many years to change before I get back. I am very sensitive to the things I have created and nurtured at my job and want them to be in the same shape when I get back. So I am resorting to at least reading emails and checking in with my employees from time to time. I am possibly going to return to a completely different role that will make me question if I want to stay in that position or start to find a new challenge within the bank. The successes I have had over the years will allow me to take on new challenges but the thought has to be at what cost to being able to get home at a reasonable hour to spend time with my daughter. These are things I never had to think about before....I was always ready and willing to take on the new challenge with my career regardless of the hours and travel it might require. My career is still extremely important to me and I have a desire and a need to continue to excel and move up the corporate ladder so to speak but I now have to weigh what that all means in the long run. Definitely puts a different perspective on what I want to do and how much I want to invest in my career. But I know that being a stay at home mom is not something I want to do nor can do if we want to continue to have the life that we do.

I still have 2 months to really prep myself for what my post-stay at home mom role will be like so in the mean time I will be dedicating myself to my high-maintenance baby and getting her on a consistent schedule....