The Boob Situation

I have long thought about whether to talk about my latest "situation" here or not since I am not really ever one to be so forthcoming about my personal life and personal situations. I usually try to keep things to myself and work them out on my own. But I have found that sharing this current bump in the road benefits every woman in my family and even my friends.

Not being one to do regular monthly breast exams, I was shocked to find while scratching my underarm a strange lump that was definitely not supposed to be there. Initial feeling was that of utter freak-out and immediately fearing the worse (I tend to be over-dramatic when things are "wrong" with me - also consider myself a hypochondriac). The C-word was the first thing to pop in my mind although not very logical for me to go to that extreme just yet. After all, I had no idea what it was but we seemed to always be taught in school and even in our yearly doctor visits to immediately see a doctor when any type of lump is found. I managed to get myself to work although I really wanted to just crawl into bed and feel sorry for myself. Again - the overdramatic side threatened to take over. When I got to work, I immediately got in touch with my good friend Web-MD. I look up everything on that site and in fact I believe I correctly diagnosed myself with post-nasal drip when I had a nagging cough for weeks on end!! The first thing the site said when I looked up "lump found in breast" was "Don't Panic!" I was kind of amused because of course I had panicked that morning. Apparently 80% of all lumps found are not cancerous and have varying reasons for being there. They outlined what are "normal" lumps and what would be of concern. I started to feel a little bit better but there was always the fact that Uncle Ken was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. The timing was pretty unreal. So I made an appointment with a new doctor out near me for my annual check up and to talk about the invader in my boob.

I typically do not deal with stress all that well and I was already dealing with the new house and the unsuccessful selling of the current house. Not sure why everything had to be dropped on me at once but there it was. My emotional state is already very fragile (I think Mike is starting to get sick of my crying spells!) but somehow I had to try to think positive and figure that there had to be a reason for all of this. I saw a nurse practitioner at my new doctor's office. She was very comforting and when checking the lump, she made a mention that it didn't seem to her to be all the worrisome. She in fact had to deal with a lump herself that turned out to be benign. She referred me to get a mammogram and an ultrasound to get the official film work done on what was going on. No woman can ever be prepared for what the mammogram entails. I know it was a matter of time before I needed to start going regularly but wasn't overly prepared to go now. There is just something not right about the whole process. It seems so outrageous that there is not an easier, less uncomfortable way to do this!!! I literally felt like my boob was becoming a pancake and I was sure that it was not going to go back to its original shape!! I find myself somewhat lucky in being not so endowed but I really don't know how the larger gifted women of this world go through this! If anyone tells you it's not that bad, they lie (and I have a very high pain tolerance!) But I made it through and then went to get an ultrasound. After the ultrasound, I waited a ridiculous amount of time and then the door opened with the radiologist, nurse, and the tech who did the ultrasound. I knew that this was not just nothing since I don't think all those people would be in the room. The radiologist said that it appeared to be of low concern but since it was a solid mass (and not fluid filled which is typical of a cyst), they suggested I get a biopsy. While it all seemed like good news, I was still a wreck that this whole process needed to continue and that I would have to see more doctors and have more procedures. So I went to a recommended breast surgeon yesterday for what I thought was a needle biopsy. I spent most of the morning nervous as can be with the thought of a long needle going into this lump. Mom & Kelly came to the doctor's office for support and Mike was worried all day for me. Turns out the surgeon decided that it would be in my better interest to have this lump removed and then have the biopsy done after that. He said it appeared to be a benign cyst but he figured I would be most comfortable with getting it removed altogether. I wholeheartedly agreed with that because I know I would always be checking it to see if it was still there and if it had gotten any bigger. So I do feel better after hearing 3 doctors say that it does not appear to be anything of urgent concern. I am scheduled to have it excised on Feb. 15th. I will get some of that twilight anesthesia, they will make a small incision, remove the lump, and sew me up with some dissolvable stitches. Then they will do a biopsy after that that and then I will go through the pain-staking process of waiting for the results. Simple as that. And then hopefully all of this will be behind me.

I would say my attitude about monthly self-exams has changed dramatically. I know for a fact that I will always be checking. With the family history we have, I am also urging my sisters to do the same.

Let me just say that I think more people have seen my breasts in the last 3 weeks than have seen them in my entire lifetime. For someone who used to be overly self-conscious of the size (or lack thereof) of my boobs, I find that I really have no shame now (although that doesn't mean I will be going to Mardi Gras and flashing for all to see for some lousy beads).